Zack Belcher
They don't call him the Tower of Power for nothing. It's been said that he once had a post-move off with LeBron and won because LeBron is a traitorous bastard. He once wrestled a polar bear naked in the snow during Nam. Charlie Sheen looked on in horror. Top 25 Boys #Aaron Rodgers #Eric "747" Reed #Adam "The Bowserman" Bowers #Kanye West #Wade "DWADE" Bowers #Grant "#2 Gbaby" Siefker #Craig "Koontz" Koontz #(the coveted 7 spot) Greg "#1 Gbaby" Beckman #Sammy "B. Boy" Beckman #Shaun "The Flying Tomato" White #Kurt "Westy" Westhoven #George "G5" Font IV #Shonn Greene #Shaq #Steven A. Smith #Joel "JP" Pollitz (the juices, baby) #Clay Matthews #Terrelle Pryor #Craig Krenzel #Neil Young #Conan O'Brien #Mo Williams #Matt "Mutt" Hughes #Jeff Bridges #Aziz Ansari The second farthest drop in the history of boys happened over time with the trading of Brett Favre from Green Bay to the Jets. A one time #3 boy, he fell to 9th as a Jet. Upon signing with the Vikings, he fell completely off the list. Were the list extended to 6 billion people, he would not be on the list. This drop was topped, in less than 5 seconds, when LeBron "Claudius" James uttered the words "I'm taking my game to south beach." He fell from #1 to a place lower than that of satan himself. That is, only if LeBron isn't satan himself. Top 25 Rappers Due to the effluence of Rappers that would be in the top 25 boys list, Belcher decided, in the back of DWADE's car on the way to the movie theater one evening, that he could not place all of his favorite rappers in his boys list. As a result, the number 4 boy, Kanye West, is a placeholder for the following 25. It should be noted that this is far from a comprehensive ranking based on skill. It is, indeed, a list of the top 25 most influential rappers in the life of Zack Belcher. Nor should this be seen as an inset at the 4 spot in the top 25 Boys list. It is simply the top 25 rappers by Mr. Belcher's own criteria, which is largely numinous to the rest of us, and probably to Belcher himself. This is the relative placement of where each rapper would be as rappers would appear if rappers aside from Kanye West were allowed into the Top 25 boys list. #Kanye West #Nas #Mos Def #Lauryn Hill #Chuck D. #Lil Wayne #Lupe Fiasco #DMX #Jay-Z #The Notorious B.I.G. #Common #Eminem #Andre 3000 #Ice Cube #Big Boi #Rakim #KRS-One #Melle Mel #Snoop Dogg #MC Chris #Cee-lo #Wyclef Jean #ODB #RZA #Ghostface Killah Although no comprehensive list exists in the Belcher archives, it is a well known fact that Hi-Tek, Danger Mouse, Grandmaster Flash, and Terminator X are regarded highly among the DJ ranks in the annals of Hip-Hop History as perceived by Belcher. GBaby List The Gbaby, although not rare, is a significant part of anyone's life. For Belcher, these are people counted amongst the most reliable for their specific lot in life. What follows is the scraps of an unfleshed-out idea to rank Gbabies via their usefulness. As is noted, it is customary for the #7 boy to be the number 1 Gbaby. This is not because a Gbaby is automatically 7th most important, but because 7 is the number of completion, and as we all know, no life is complete without at least one Gbaby. #Greg Beckman- There are few things more reliable in the world than the fact that if Greg Beckman, the #1 and original Gbaby is involved, a good time will be had by all. #Grant Siefker- A strong number two getting stronger every day, Grant is reliable to know things, do things and to be things that somebody has to know, do, and be. If his usefulness weren't so often usurped by DWADE, he might be number 1 someday. #George Font IV- George is many things, one of which being the smartest person Belcher knows. But even as such, he is most reliable to waste his natural talent on a lack of any initiative whatsoever. He's the Glen Davis of Gbabies. #Glen Davis- He has the nickname of Big Baby and his name starts with G. You think he'd be higher on the list, but as reliable as he is to get fat and give up on the defensive end, he's completely unreliable in the clutch, which hurts his gbaby ranking. #GZA- He's mostly just reliable to be GZA, and that rhymes with RZA, and hell, it's Bill Murray.